Master of Letters

I subscribe to the idea that everyone needs at least one "win" everyday to feel good about themselves. (I also subscribe to the 'Seven Friendly Touches' per day idea, but we'll get to that later.) These "wins" can be little things like making the train just as the doors are closing, or they can be massive achievements, like getting anything higher than a 70% on a math test. Since I seldom get big wins, and I'm also a fragile human with an unstable self image, I like to set myself up so that I win CONSTANTLY.

I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror and my skin looked ballin as shit. Win!
The first word I said today was bacon. Um, Win!
I took a call from a customer at work and answered all her questions correctly. Adult Win!

I keep track of these all day so by the end of the day, I'm feeling pretty good about myself. But sometimes, when I'm not having a winning day, or I'm not really doing anything to win at, I like to make it easy for myself. To get myself to remember how awesome I am, I like to play word games, since I am a self proclaimed master of words and letters...and rice, but that's a story for another time.
One of my favorite games is something I like to call "Acronym LOL". Just to demonstrate how much I OWN at this game, let me share a few acronyms with you, and I will give you the first thing that comes to my mind when I read them.

NDA: Non-Disclosure Agreement? Or Nerds Dance Alone?

LLC: Limited Liability Company? Or Lemurs Love Coconuts?

NBC: National Broadcasting Corporation? Or Nasty Butt Cheese?

HPV: Human Papoloma Virus? Or Hairy Purple Vaginas?

NRA: National Rifle Association? Or  Naughty Republican Assholes?

FBI: Federal Bureau of Investigation? Or Fat Bitches in Igloos?

I realize that those were getting progressively more inappropriate, but I couldn't help myself. Oh how I make mineself LOL. My boyfriend and I play that game from time to time, and I must say that he is a worthy opponent, but that I always come out on top. (I happened to win our most recent match with Lemurs Love Coconuts. Frickin genius.)

This is something that I love to do in my head during Alex Time because it just makes me feel happy about myself. With every imaginative and hilarious acronym, I am remind of what a comedic genius I am. Besides, I love making myself laugh.

Brace yourselves, I'm about to digress...

When you can think of a joke or an awesome Acronym LOL that is so funny, so brilliant, so earth shatteringly perfect that you make YOURSELF laugh, then you know you've created gold. I like to equate jokes to tickling yourself, or smelling your own breath. If your breath is so nasty that you can smell it, you KNOW you got some stanky-ass breath. If you can catch yourself off guard and tickle yourself and achieve the same sensation as if someone else were doing it, then you are the freaking master of tickles. Jokes are the same way. If your joke is so good that you can make you laugh, then it must be an incredible freaking joke! I mean, you already know what the punch line to your own joke is, so if you still think it's funny even though it burst forth from your own brain loins, then it must be off the charts.

That's how I like to picture my jokes. Because I KNOW I'm hilarious. And that's how I Win.

I'd also like to give you guys the opportunity to share with me your own brilliant Acronym LOLs. Put them in the comments, and whosoever creates the most incredible LOL of them all will receive a special and legitimate prize. WIN!