Ever since I've moved back into my apartment, I haven't been able to stop eating. I've always had a pretty crazy appetite, but this is getting out of hand. You'll know based on my last post, that I was going to try to be awesome this year, and a part of that being awesome was to start eating healthier and taking care of my body. So that lasted aboooout, hmmmm...a week? I went to a few yoga classes, watched a few 10 minute exercise videos, and then ended up back on the couch watching 30 Rock with a jar of cookie dough. (The cliche is just so perfect.)
The only thing is, I literally can't stop. I'm hungry every minute of every day. It's not even that I can't stop craving food, it's that I can't feel full anymore. Is it possible to spontaneously develop a thyroid problem? Because that's what I have. On top of that, I've started thinking like a fat person too. (So far, I'm not ashamed to share these thoughts with you because the consequences of my actions have not caught up with me as of yet. But rest assured, I am on the cankle train, and my stop is coming up fast.)
The other day, I was sitting on the couch eating my second bowl of spaghetti and watching The Big Bang Theory when a commercial for McDonalds came on. The craving hit me like the cankle train. My boyfriend was sitting at his desk a few feet away from me, and I said to him through a mouthful of noodles and sauce: "I wish McDonald's delivered"...
I just want you to think about that for a second, and how absolutely pitiful that is. Let it sink in a little.
All my boyfriend did was laugh and went back to whatever he was doing, but I sat there staring at the TV rethinking the words I had just uttered, and wondered how my life had gone so terribly wrong. So wrong, that on a Friday night, I was sitting eating cold spaghetti watching The Big Bang Theory, wishing that I could call up McDonald's and order a BigMac and an Apple Pie. What is wrong with me!?
Obviously, the psychological part is pretty destructive on its own, but it has started to seep into other aspects of my life. Like my finances. A few days ago, I came home from class and begged my boyfriend to take a break from work so that we could go down the street to the Korean restaurant. He kindly obliged me, so I insisted on paying. I was pretty hungry--go figure--so I ordered an entree, a side of rice, a drink, and a side of edamames. On top of my boyfriend's order, I ended up paying over 30$ for lunch.
Totally satisfied with my meal (but still not totally full), we returned home and I decided to check my credit card balance, pretending that I am a functional adult. It turns out that with the last charge, I had just about maxed out my credit card on Korean food, leaving myself with a few dollars for any other expense. Usually, I would have left the credit on there so that I couldn't buy anything else, but I had already resolved with myself earlier that morning that I was going to go to the grocery store later that day to get myself some more nutella. So what did I do? I payed that motherfuckin credit card off so that I could get myself another jar of creamy hazelnut heaven!
And on top of all of my pathetic behavior, I can't do any more of my exercise videos because I look like a total asshole when I try to keep up with those beefed-up supermodel action-figure teachers, and I would rather die than let my boyfriend see me struggle like that. It is the epitome of unattractive.
ALL ABOOOOOARD!
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